


Edging Towards Your Breaking

by ArtsyGirl



Series: A Piece of Me [18]
Category: Enderal (Video Game), Enderal Forgotten Stories
Genre: Angst, Gen, Psychological Drama, Psychological Trauma, Sunsets
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-09
Updated: 2019-03-09
Packaged: 2019-11-14 15:02:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,149
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18054770
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArtsyGirl/pseuds/ArtsyGirl
Summary: They say that when a person has an emotional breakdown then something in them changes, they will never be the same again. I’ve been there for others while they’ve had those breakdowns, hell I’ve had a few myself, but none of those experiences really prepared me for this…





	Edging Towards Your Breaking

  
They say that when a person has an emotional breakdown then something in them changes, they will never be the same again. I’ve been there for others while they’ve had those breakdowns, hell I’ve had a few myself, but none of those experiences really prepared me for this…  
  
Tharaêl ,he broke, snapped, he was utterly torn down. It seemed to me that it was just another emotional breakdown, but as time has shown I was wrong. I shouldn’t be surprised - the poor man found out that his existence is basically a lie; his best friend is the most vicious scariest guy who had no emotion; he killed the said best friend in an angry murderous frenzy; he found out the bad guy, the target, of his vengeance, the person who was the main cause for agony in his life saved him in a way of creating something new that isn’t human. All of it is too much to process. I don’t know what I’d do if I’d find out that I’m just a ‘fake’ vessel for my extracted soul or that the evil I’d been hunting isn’t that evil at all…  
  
Some days are good and some are bad. When we came back from the old temple I thought that the worst was behind us, I thought that Tharaêl was better, but again I was wrong.  
  
The first day in Ark went rather well. We browsed around the marketplace and later went to a small pool like pond in the Nobles Quarter to feed the ducks. We didn’t talk much, we were mostly quiet that day, but it was not the awkward kind of quiet it was the comfortable, safe and reassuring quiet…  
  
I nudge him while he is throwing a piece of bread for the ducks “Hey it is getting dark we should head back.”  
  
Tharaêl looks away from the birds and looks at the sky “The sun is setting.”  
  
“Yeah that is why it is getting dark. The big light source is going away.”  
  
“The colors are beautiful.”  
  
“They are alright, I guess. Still they are just colors that appear at the end of every day when the sun goes down, nothing special.” I begin picking up the leftover bread and packing it away into a bag. Then I realize something “Wait, when was the last time you saw a sunset?”  
  
“I can’t remember.”  
  
I am a bit lost “So what you did not get to go out of the Undercity to even watch sunsets or stars or anything of sorts?”  
  
“No. It would have been suspicious.” He sighs “One thing that upsiders don’t seem to understand is that when you live in the Undercity you don’t get out much. Many of the people there have not even been out of there, they have not seen the sun, the stars or the green of nature or the white of snow.”  
  
“That is sad.”  
  
His tone is dead serious “That is life.” Tharaêl stands up and begins walking towards the house at the Larxes.  
  
“Tharaêl would you like to watch the sun go down with me? I know this empty guard tower just outside of Ark’s wall that has the best views.”  
  
He stops walking and says in a quiet voice “I think I would like that.”  
  
I walk up to him, place a hand on his shoulder and smile “Follow me.”  
  
***  
  
We climb up the stairs of the old guard tower. When we make it to the top then I just sit on top of a merlon and so does he.  
  
We just watch the color play going in the sky.  
  
Every sunset is unique - the one today is the pinkest sunset I’ve ever seen. The sky is the shade of vibrant reddish pink that from the top blends into endless shades of purples and the closer to the sun the more vibrant and orange the pinks are.  
  
I glance towards Tharaêl. He seems so calm, his posture is relaxed, not a hint of tension. In all the time I’ve known him he has been tense like he is walking on eggshells all the time. Now he just seems to be content and sad while watching the sun go down. He has gone through so much and I’m glad I could bring him this moment of peace.  
  
We stay in the watchtower until the sun sets behind the horizon and the stars appear in the sky. Then we walk home.  
  
***  
  
“Tharaêl you can take the bed on the second floor near the fireplace, I’ll sleep in the hammock I’ve set up for myself in the rafters.”  
  
“I’m in your home, you should be the one who sleeps in your bed. I’ll take the hammock.”  
  
“I like it up there. I have a good view at the door and everything that goes on the first floor. It makes me feel secure. And besides while being up there I have multiple escape routes when in the bedroom there is only one way to go. This is me just being selfish again so would you just let me be selfish.” I try to muster up a sweet content smile “Besides I like how the hammock feels- it’s like a cocoon.”  
  
“You will be hanging high from the ceiling. That does not sound comfortable to me.”  
  
“Come-on I’m elfy, I like to frolic in the woods. Sleeping somewhere up high is just up my alley.”  
  
“It is your decision. If you don’t mind then I’m going to bed.”  
  
“Hey Tharaêl could you wait for a sec?” He rolls his eyes at me and then stands there, waiting, as if saying: get on with it already. “Tell me what do you think: was today a good day?”  
  
“It was.”  
  
“Why?”  
  
“I liked the sunset.”  
  
“Great. If you need anything then you can call me. “  
  
“You’ve told me that before.”  
  
“Yeah I know. I’m just making sure you won’t forget that. Goodnight! “  
  
“Goodnight!”  
  
***  
  
I am woken up in the night by someone talking.  
  
“Shut it! Some people are trying to sleep.”  
  
For a moment the taking stops. Then the screaming begins “Nooo!! Letho!”  
  
I jolt up and realize that it is Tharaêl. I quickly make my way out of the hammock and jog into his bedroom.  
  
He is thrashing around in his sleep while mumbling: “Letho wake up! This can’t be happening, this can’t…”  
  
I slightly shake him by his shoulder “Wake up Tharaêl. Wake up! This isn’t real. It’s just a dream. You need to wake up!”  
  
His eyes open wide and he reaches one of his hands under a pillow and pulls out a dagger. I take a step back “You had a nightmare. I came because you were yelling. You are safe in my house at Nobles Quarter.”  
  
“Who are you and what did you do to Letho?”  
  
I place my palms on my heart “I’m Susan. Do you remember me?”  
  
He sits up looks at me then whispers “The merc from the Arena.”  
  
“That’s me.” I reach over for the dagger “Now I’m going to take that before you hurt yourself” I take the dagger away and put it on an end table next to the bed.  
  
“It is all my fault. It is my fault The Father is gone. It is my Fault that Letho is dead.”  
  
I sit on the edge of the bed. “No it isn’t. The Father was a more powerful being than we could have anticipated and you did not kill Letho, Father did that by killing him with his experiments a long time ago.”  
  
Tharaêl looks into the darkness. His hands begin shaking and he starts hyperventilating. His voice is shaky “I saw it as clear as day. He just stood there calmly with his weapon drawn. Hi didn’t do anything and then I…” I see a tear roll down his face.  
  
I hug him ”Shh… Just take deep breaths. You just had a nightmare. You are not in that moment anymore. Everything is alright now. ”  
  
He is still shaking but he is listening to me. He is trying to take deep breaths.  
  
“You are doing well. You are safe here. All of that is in the past.”  
  
He wraps his hands lightly around me and begins sobbing into my shoulder “It just hurts so much. I thought he was gone forever. Then I found out that he had been there all the time. Then I…Then I… There was so much blood.” He begins to shake allover his body.  
  
I hug him tighter. “Just let it all out.”  
  
“I can’t believe that you are gone again, Letho. This can’t be happening! This can’t be happening. It should be me that is dead not him!”  
  
“That wasn’t the Letho you knew Tharaêl. He was some emotionless construct of Fathers. The Letho you knew died long ago.”  
  
He takes a deep breath “He did. Father killed him. But I killed him again. I killed all that was left of him.”  
  
…  
  
I was his shoulder to cry on for that night. And the next one. And the next one. And so on. It is always the same: me being woken up by some talking then he begins to scream. I wake him up and I am the shoulder to cry on until he falls asleep. Then I tuck him in and sit by his bedside holding his hand because if I went away the dreams would come back.  
  
It is always the same nightmare - I know how that feels and there is this part of me that wanted someone to lean on when I had those dreams, but now I’m the one who is being leaned on. I hope that it helps him, makes life a bit easier, like I wish my life would have been made easier.  
  
Gods I thought it would be easier but fur fuck’s sake I’m at the end of my rope. The nights are rough, but it is manageable. The day time is the scariest. During the day Tharaêl just stands next to the railing on the second floor of the house. He does not say anything or do anything. He just stares off into the distance with an empty look in his eyes. He stands here for hours until it is time to go to sleep. Then the nightmares begin and the cycle is whole.  
  
I have tried talking to him. It is not going well. At first he spoke a few words like: yes, no, maybe. Now he is quiet just standing there on the second floor staring of into the distance with that sad hopeless look in his eyes.  
  
On the first few days he came down from his usual standing spot for diner, but now he does not even do that. All he will eat is bread. I’m running out of bloody damned bread!  
  
I spend my days keeping an eye on him, hoping that something will change. I talk to him. I try to get him out of the house for even just a walk- but it is like taking to a wall- no answers.  
  
I am afraid to leave the house because I have a feeling if I leave then it is going to be it- no more Tharaêl.  
  
So what do I have in my life at this moment in time? : A crazy religious order that believes I’m some kind of a prophet – yeah still hard to believe, still crazy, still need time away from there; I’ve got a house in the Nobles Quarter- yay! I’ve got a really scary friend who clearly needs some help, but I don’t know where to find any; I’ve got diminishing food supplies and diminishing funds; I’ve got a small amount of furniture- mind that most of it are bookshelves; I’ve got a moderate book collection with books in pristine condition because I’ve had a ton of time in my house to take care of them and I am so very tired. I just want more sleep than a few hours a day while sitting on a floor.  
  
Why can’t life be easy? Why can’t it be that you fix one problem and things stay fixed? Why does it have to be that when something goes well the something else comes crashing down? Why is it so that after a brief period or moment f happiness or feeling content there is always a long while of tears and suffering?  
  
I’m lost.  
  
I don’t know what to do.  
  
I am afraid for myself and my friend because I’m not sure how long I can keep going like this before breaking. When I go down and loose myself then I’ll bring him down with me and all of this has been for nothing.  
  
This is more than an emotional breakdown and I hope that both of us will come out of it intact because hope is all I have.  


**Author's Note:**

> Does it seem that their lives are breaking apart? Is their friendship cooling down? Will they be okay? 
> 
> Those are some great questions to think about because things got even more serious in this chapter and the seas yet ahead are still unknown.  
> With time those questions will be answered in stories about those two.
> 
> Thank you for reading and making this far! All the support in kudos and comments means a lot to me and I thank everyone for that support!  
> I hope you have a wonderful rest of the day!


End file.
